👂Listen to You're Not the COO I Hired: How COOs Can Find and Sustain Alignment

Have you ever stepped into a new role with all cylinders firing ─ where everything feels easy? You make significant improvements early on, your CEO is singing your praises and you feel like a rock star. Fast forward a few years, and suddenly you feel like a stranger in your own organization. You rarely interact with the CEO, decisions seem to be made without you and you're left wondering what changed. Sometimes this can occur early on or over years of slow erosion. Either way, it can happen ─ and it happens to the best of us. 

The COO role is often described as the riskiest seat in the C-suite. High turnover is common, expectations are fluid and your success depends as much on the CEO’s style as on your own operational chops.

In the Harvard Business Review classic, Second in Command: The Misunderstood Role of the Chief Operating Officer, Nate Bennett and Stephen A. Miles captured this truth bluntly: the COO’s fate is deeply contingent on the CEO. 

Almost 20 years ago, Janet Boydell, Barry Deutsch and Brad Remillard relayed a similar alarm in You’re Not the Person I Hired!  ─ warning that nearly half of new executives fail within 18 months. Together, the picture is clear: alignment isn’t optional — it’s existential. (And as one of my favorite books, I couldn't resist making a play on its title.)

A COO Forum partner and member favorite, Rachel Lebowitz, reminds us in Empowered COO that even when the structure looks solid, COOs who neglect their own empowerment, boundaries and inner narratives risk burnout and resentment.

I wrote this article because I want you to avoid the pain of CEO/COO misalignment. I want you to feel empowered and in control. I want you to contribute to your organization at your maximum capability. This article lays out a practical playbook: how to assess alignment during the interview process, how to invest in it once you’re in the chair and how to sustain it years into the future.

Before You Sign On: Interviewing for Alignment

Too many COOs take the job and worry about chemistry later. That’s a recipe for regret. Instead, treat alignment as a hiring filter.

1. Clarify the “why” behind the role.
Bennett & Miles identified several COO archetypes — from executor to heir apparent. Ask the CEO: Why are you hiring a COO now? If the answer doesn’t match your ambitions or capabilities, you’re mismatched before you even start.

2. Get role clarity upfront.
Push for a written charter: what domains do you own? Where do you have decision rights? How will disagreements be escalated? Vague expectations kill COOs faster than weak financials.

3. Probe for trust and conflict style.
Ask: When a past COO or executive challenged you, how did you respond? If the CEO bristles at the idea of pushback, you’ll either burn out or flame out.

4. Test psychological fit.
Lebowitz would say: listen for empowerment vs. permission. Does the CEO expect you to act with authority or constantly ask for permission? That subtle difference will dictate whether you feel empowered or diminished.

Early Tenure: Building Trust and Empowerment

Landing the job is just the beginning. Even a well-matched CEO/COO duo can drift apart without deliberate work.

1. Over-communicate early.
In your first 90–180 days, err on the side of transparency. Share progress, ask for feedback, and hold “alignment check-ins” that are about the relationship, not just metrics.

2. Establish your Leadership Avatar.
Lebowitz encourages COOs to articulate who they are in the role — how they show up, where their boundaries are and what’s non-negotiable. Share this with the CEO: I don’t respond after 8:30 unless it's critical. I need space to reflect before making counter-pivots. These ground rules prevent resentment from festering.

3. Practice assertive communication.
Don’t fall into the COO trap of always accommodating. Lebowitz’s advice: replace passive “softening” with clarity — Here’s my concern. Here’s what I propose. Here’s what I need.

4. Monitor for resentment.
Resentment is the canary in the coal mine. If you catch yourself thinking, Why wasn’t I looped in? or Why am I carrying all of this alone? — surface it in your 1:1s. Small cracks become chasms if ignored.

Long-Term: Sustaining Alignment Over Years

Even strong COO/CEO pairs need to revisit the foundation as the business evolves.

1. Revisit your charter annually.
Markets shift and priorities evolve. Yesterday’s COO scope might be outdated. Don’t assume continuity — renegotiate domains and escalation rules regularly.

2. Guard against drift.
Watch for temperature drops: 1:1s that feel transactional, expectations that shift without conversation or employees who start bypassing you for the CEO. These are early signs of relational erosion.

3. Renew your empowerment.
Lebowitz stresses the importance of re-checking your boundaries and identity. Have you slipped into martyrdom — working 70 hours, saying yes to everything, sacrificing your well-being? If so, you’ve lost alignment with yourself, not just with the CEO.

4. Align on ambition.
If succession is in play, make it explicit. If it’s not, calibrate your long-term role. Nothing undermines alignment faster than mismatched expectations about your future.

Why It Matters

• Turnover is costly. Failed COO tenures destabilize the organization and drain trust.
  
  

• Misalignment is avoidable. Most COO failures stem from mismatched expectations and weak relational infrastructure, not lack of operational talent.
  
  

• Empowerment sustains longevity. The most successful COOs balance structural clarity with inner resilience and empowered boundaries.

Final Word

If you’re a COO (or aspiring to be one), your real job isn’t just running operations. It’s building, protecting and renewing alignment with your CEO — and with yourself.

Because in the end, operational excellence matters. But without alignment, the partnership won’t last long enough for anyone to notice.